Aliens Are Evil: Attack of the Evil Alien Barbers
by Biminator
Summary: Well, this is a sequel to Aliens Are Evil. Read that first.


Part I: Death Strikes at Night. Again! And then the aliens invaded! (Yes, some of them were little, green men with big, black eyes, you stereotypical person, you.) They set up barbershops  
all over the country! They even made people pay for these unspeakable haircuts! The aliens would cut alien runes into the hair of the customer, then hypnotize them before the person gained the immense physical strength  
promised by the alien's book of tales. They did this to thousands of  
people. The aliens were building an army. or were they?  
  
Part II: March of Terror As the hypnotized humans, strength bolstered by the alien's runes, marched  
to the North and South magnetic poles, I pondered what evil the aliens might be plotting. Melting the polar ice caps, too easy. Using the poles as a staging point for an assault on Earth, waste of time. The aliens wanted something original and easy, not stereotypical and easy. What could they  
possibly be plotting now? They tried invading twice, and both tries I foiled. So they weren't trying to invade the Earth. What were they trying  
to do?  
  
Part III: Searching for Answers I pulled up all of my existing information on aliens, from the first UFO sighting at Roswell, New Mexico to the recent attack (see Aliens Are Evil).  
I typed in ALIEN RUNES. These are some of the search results:  
1.Pictures of Alien Runes  
2.Alien Rune Alphabet  
3.Uses for Alien Runes.  
I clicked on "Uses for Alien Runes", and I was amazed at the results!  
  
Part IV: The Alien's Plot I then knew what they were trying to do! They were forming groups at the poles. Once they did, their human slaves would fire a beam from the alien runs on their heads. The beams would merge so there was one huge beam at  
each of the poles. This beam would spread through the atmosphere. This would increase Earth's  
gravity a millionfold, thus causing all the planets (and the Sun) to  
collide with it!  
  
Part V: The Unenslavement of Humans  
I had to get some fast hair- grow tonic! But how? I had to get some follicle stimulation ointment! They usually stock it at drugstores. But I needed it in massive amounts. Costco! (Thank you, Costco creator, whoever  
you are. You saved the lives of billions.) I bought 1,000 huge tubs of  
ointment. Then I took a helicopter and spread the ointment over all the people with runes in their hair and put them back where they came from. Now  
I had to kill the aliens!  
  
Part VI: Murder the Aliens!  
I gathered up all of my good friends, including Luke, who miraculously survived crashing into the Sun (see Aliens Are Evil). We decide we would need a tesseract (see A Wrinkle In Time) We would travel to the Star Wars galaxy, get 8 X- wings, then battle the aliens. (Dun, Dun, Dum!) But, then arose the big question. (I'm sure you're all thinking about it.) Drumroll,  
please! HOW DO WE MAKE A TESSERACT?  
  
Part VII: Tesseract with Detergent Aha! We would use anti-wrinkle remover detergent! We would throw it into the air, then walk in. So we did. When we got there, the rebels were more than happy to supply us with 8 X-wings. Then we went back. Then we attacked the aliens. The problem is, they just kept coming! We needed to go to the  
center of the aliens' operations. their home planet!  
  
Part VIII: Where's the alien planet? First we needed to find out where it was located. I pulled up my archives, and voila! out popped up the planet's coordinates. I said to Chris, " Fire  
up the X-wings. We're goin' to the alien planet!"  
  
Part IX: The Plan  
First, we needed a plan. " Seth, bring up the weapons schematics of the  
alien planet," I commanded. " Okay. Steven, you jam their communication systems. Chris, Stevie, you bomb the factories. Seth, Luke, Nico, hold off the fighters. Logan, Travis, bomb their government buildings. As for me, I'm goin' in for the kill. The leader. The head honcho. The big cheese. In  
other words, the alien dictator.  
  
Part X: The Nerve Center  
"Com systems jammed. Good to go," annouced Steven. "Allright. Everybody know what to do?" I asked. " Good. ATTACK! Nico, Seth, Luke, watch those fighters!" KABOOM! "Factories gone," reported Chris. BA-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM- BA-BOOM! "Gov. buildings gone," declared Logan. " Fighters backing off," Nico informed me. " Allright. I see the leader. I'm goin' in," I annouced. Then I killed him. "Yeah!" shouted Luke. " Drop the nuke, Luke," I joked.  
"Sure," he replied. Then he dropped it.  
BOOM!  
"Let's go," I said.  
  
The End.  
  
Or is it?  
  
(Just kidding!) 


End file.
